Sinister Emotions
by writerinlaymansterms
Summary: Blood, guts, horror. Oh my! For a long time, Bonnie has been fighting an uphill battle. It's time she leveled the playing field. She was finally going to be a real player in the game of sociopaths and liars, and she was going to win. AU from 6x08. BonKai


Preface: Heavy Lies the Crown

Being dead was deceptively easy. Granted, she'd more or less been headed down this path from the day she was born. It was the call of a Bennett witch, and though she didn't have all the support a family with the kind of legacy hers did, she knew her responsibilities well. Lucy seemed to be the only one sane enough to shirk them. What did any of them have to show for it anyways? Her mother was a vampire, a simple casualty of silly power plays. Her Grams was long-dead, in order to save her friends, who continuously wasted that gift. Her dad, through simple association, had gotten his neck sliced for the effort. And her, she was constantly put at risk, in the line of a duty she never wanted, but always lived up to, trying to fight everything in her that wants to burn the world in order to live up to everyone's impossibly high expectations

Sometimes she thought she'd drown in them.

Other times, they were the only thing that kept her going.

All she knew right now was that she was stuck in a never-ending loop of 1994. Wake up, eat breakfast, fight off Kai, try not to give into the darkest parts of her, then sleep. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

In some ways she brought this upon herself. She always let everyone she loved use her, until she was drained of everything she had, and they didn't even know it, as flippant about her as they were. They didn't know a lot of things. Like the fact that she'd had to mentally reconcile herself with feeling the deaths of hundreds of supernatural beings. To see their faces, know their lives in milliseconds, and feel the way they bled within in her own skin. But her friends were too busy with their own grief, and the beauty and joy that continuously replaced it as quickly as hers was sucked away. Happiness, love, dreams. They had a chance at that. All she had was pain, emotionally and physically. The mental anguish of knowing nobody would fight for her, and the physical consequence of that.

And the deepest part of her that she'd hidden. The lure of darkness that she had found hard to resist, as consequence of her expression days. The niggling voice of Silas in her ear, either her imagination of him or a small ghost left behind, telling her all the brutal things she could do. An endless noise chirping in her ear brutality and the sensual art of pain.

The ways she could dissect and destroy Kai's dead body, on the floor of her room. How she could study and indulge in tasting how pain felt on another's tongue.

To devour, to tear, to slaughter.

To burn. To taste. To indulge.

That was why she was in the bath, to wash the blood and the sins off her body from garroting and stabbing (93 times, she counted) his body, until he was pulpy, and she was both sanctified and horrified. Now she was overtaken by the most clinical interest in the way the blood stained her bath a deep crimson, with the scent of iron wafting around her. She derived an oddly sadistic pleasure from the soak, that warred with every part of her, and was becoming irresistible to ignore.

All she wanted was an end to this. The fighting of both herself and the violent mini-wars that exploded between her and Kai.

She knew her Grams had promised her peace, but since the collapse of the other-side, she'd had nothing close to it until this point.

(Why'd he have to try and stab her, to leave her on her own? If he'd only gone his separate ways, she wouldn't feel this way. She wouldn't need to drag him down into the dungeon and record his cries of anguish until her heart felt whole again. _HOW DARE HE BETRAY HER!_)

Wasn't it said somewhere, the best way to fight temptation is to yield to it? And she'd finally gotten what she wanted.

Peace.

Silence.

Happiness.

* * *

><p>So, here's my story. I had kind of wanted to take a trip inside Bonnie's head, and it took a much darker twist than I originally anticipated. Basically, this has to do with Bonnie reaching the end of her rope, and of Kai basically being the straw that broke the camel's back. Oddly enough, I ship them, so that will be the main pairing of the story. The rest will be up for debate. Thanks for reading and hopefully this'll be a fun ride. Let me know what you guys thought.<p>

Grazi


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